WTF Baby Products

Alright, so I know it's been a few years since my kids were babies, but I am simply blown away by some of the products they are trying to sell new parents! These are just a few of the WTF products I have come across since I started scouring the internet for new baby swag.  I hope you enjoy our little stroll through the Twilight Zone!

 These here are neat little cubes you can have created from the 3D image of your fetus!  This is even creepier than those 'reborn' baby dolls.  On the other hand, you could always chill it and pop it in a friend's drink! What a conversation piece at a dinner party, no??

 "Just sit on the blue head and poop, sweetie.  No, he won't eat your butt, I promise!" Me thinks this would hinder potty training more than it would help.

 Now THIS is a product I completely get!  Anybody who knows me will understand, and I hope I get a couple of these in my stocking this year! ;)

 Ah, yes.  Anything that will take the effort out of teaching a child to walk.  And as an added bonus, you don't even have to touch the sticky little monster!  Yikes - is this the polar opposite of attachment parenting?

 Why let your toddler figure out how to keep their balance and avoid walking into things?  Just pop a helmet on their little noggins so they can keep weeble wobbling around without ever having to feel the stinging pain of the real world. And when they get to kindergarden, they can graduate to a life-size bubble!

 A bite counter? For the parent who's child just isn't OCD enough yet. Look for our other Mommy Dearest products,  the pea slicer, the grape peeler and the wire hanger alarm in stores near you!

 "Lug-a-Bucket, hands free, so you can carry your child without actually touching them." Because the extra 10 lbs of car seat is worth the convenience of never having to feel their sweet little warm body snuggled next to yours.

Wait, this isn't a goofy product at all!  I would absolutely put these on my granddaughter. Note to self: add to wishlist!

Hey, that little rugrat has to earn her keep, right? I suppose I'll only be able to put it on her when mama's not around...the whole child labor thing and all. shhhhhh.....

 Ok...I had a hard time even writing about this without gagging!  With this disgusting little contraption, you put it in the baby's nose and the other part goes in your mouth. Seriously, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth!

 Keep your head up, kid!  Because a nice, tight plastic ring around the neck is so much safer than floaties! This one is completely lost on me...

 For some reason, this product just brought flashbacks of The Hangover...

 Umm....I think this works a little like a tire gauge, without the little measurement stick popping out. Just make sure and point it away from your nose!

 Is it just me, or does anyone else love the smell of a clean baby, fresh out of the bath?  No? Then this is for you. Just remember, this is NOT a bath in a bottle!

 Is your baby getting bullied at pre-school?  Toughen him up with a baby tattoo!  All the other little 2 year olds will cower in fear. Heck, your little one might turn the tables and end up with their lunch money - or at least an extra serving of strained carrots.

 In it never occurred to you to use the clean diaper to prevent pee in the face, here's a nice little money waster!

Ah yes! No layette is complete without a wiglet for your little piglet. If you've ever found yourself lost at a reggae concert and wanted to fit in? We've got you covered! Toddler & Tiara pageant, perfect fit! Trying to sneak into the penthouse at Trump Tower? Nobody will be the wiser!

Call me if ya need me!

As I walked out of the house this morning, I called out my usual 'Call me if ya need me!  Try not to need me!' My kids usually giggle or roll their eyes because, obviously, they are way too mature to need their mother.  Unless of course they actually end up *needing* their mother.

Recently that has been altogether too often, and for the worst reasons!  Over the past six weeks, we've spent 3 Fridays and nearly every weekend patronizing the local Labor & Delivery department.  This is in addition to her twice-a-week visits for non-stress testing, once-a-week visits for birthing classes, and a few extra during-the-week visits thrown in for good measure. I'm tired, my daughter's tired.  Thankfully, she's been checked, double checked and given the 'thumbs up' to head home....and continue her prescription for bed rest and boredom.

Evil mother that I am, every time we hop back in the car, heading to the hospital for another bout of unrelenting contractions, spotting, and dull lower-back pain, with a twinkle in my eye I tell her, only half sarcastically, "This is what happens when you have sex!"  And she rolls her eyes again.

We've still got about 7 weeks left. This weekend, I just hope we can stay home. :)

Maybe I'm not so young after all...

23-Year-Old Grandmother: World’s Youngest Grandmother at 23

"Mother-of-two, Rifca Stanescu, was only 12 when she gave birth to her first child, Maria. She urged her daughter not to follow her example, however, Maria had her son Ion while only 11-years-old. Stanescu was only 11 when she married jewelry seller Ionel Stanescu and he was 13. Stanescu revealed “marrying young” is a way of life in the Romanian gypsy culture. They had to elope because Stanescu feared her father wanted her to marry a fellow villager in Investi, Romania. Stanescu reveals her feelings about Ionel Stanescu, “I wanted to marry him, so I agreed, and of course after we had spent the night together then there was no way anyone could separate us. I had been promised to another boy’s family since I was two years old but I didn’t want that.” In gypsy culture ones virginity is highly prized, therefore women are married young as possible so that new husband’s can be sure their new wives are virgins who affect a good dowry. The loss of virginity translates to a terminated deal. Stanescu was forgiven for her secret marriage once her daughter was born. Her second child, son Nicolae was born a year later. The young mother tried to persuade daughter Maria to stay in school, however her efforts were to no avail. Maria left her mother’s home and wed when she was ten and had her first child six months later. Stanescu revealed to The Sun as she cuddled grandson Ion, now two, and said: “I am happy to be a grandmother but wished more for Maria.” 

I'll just go back to counting my blessings now, thank you very much! 1...2....3....

It's JUST a baby.

Hi there, I'm Angela. I'm a single mother of 2 fabulous teenagers and an adorable little pup.  I'm a marketing professional for a local financial planning firm. I'm a sister, friend, confidant for a handful of phenomenal women (and a couple of guys).  And I'm about to be a 36 year old granny. (gasp!)

It's not entirely unheard of, I know.  I was a young mom, 18 when I got pregnant, so it should have been no big shocker when she found herself in the same position at 17.  Only it was!  This was NOT supposed to happen!  These are NOT the plans I have for her life!  These are not the plans that SHE had for her life!

I had a little breakdown.  Ok...it was a big breakdown.  I didn't get out of bed for a couple of days. I cried a lot. I looked at her differently.  After all, she was my sweet little baby girl! How could this have happened? I didn't even know she was dating anyone!  But she was. She always bounced in with a sweet little 'Hi Mommy!' and kissed me on the cheek and gave me a big hug after spending the night with her 'girlfriends'...time after time. And they lied to me as they would come in to say hello as they picked her up or dropped her off. Traitorous, isn't it?!

It took a little bit of time for me to get over the initial shock, but I did.  After all, as one of my friends put it, "It's just a baby, Angela! She's not on drugs, she didn't murder someone or rob a bank. It's JUST a baby, people have babies." She's right, you know.  I did. She did. Women do....all the time! We figure it out, we adapt, plans change, and pretty soon we can't imagine what we would ever do without them.

So here we are, expecting a baby, graduating high school, and turning 18 all in the same year. Say what you want about the women in my family, we are nothing if not ambitious! :)