Friday, August 10, 2012

WTF Baby Products

Alright, so I know it's been a few years since my kids were babies, but I am simply blown away by some of the products they are trying to sell new parents! These are just a few of the WTF products I have come across since I started scouring the internet for new baby swag.  I hope you enjoy our little stroll through the Twilight Zone!

 These here are neat little cubes you can have created from the 3D image of your fetus!  This is even creepier than those 'reborn' baby dolls.  On the other hand, you could always chill it and pop it in a friend's drink! What a conversation piece at a dinner party, no??

 "Just sit on the blue head and poop, sweetie.  No, he won't eat your butt, I promise!" Me thinks this would hinder potty training more than it would help.

 Now THIS is a product I completely get!  Anybody who knows me will understand, and I hope I get a couple of these in my stocking this year! ;)

 Ah, yes.  Anything that will take the effort out of teaching a child to walk.  And as an added bonus, you don't even have to touch the sticky little monster!  Yikes - is this the polar opposite of attachment parenting?

 Why let your toddler figure out how to keep their balance and avoid walking into things?  Just pop a helmet on their little noggins so they can keep weeble wobbling around without ever having to feel the stinging pain of the real world. And when they get to kindergarden, they can graduate to a life-size bubble!
 A bite counter? For the parent who's child just isn't OCD enough yet. Look for our other Mommy Dearest products,  the pea slicer, the grape peeler and the wire hanger alarm in stores near you!

 "Lug-a-Bucket, hands free, so you can carry your child without actually touching them." Because the extra 10 lbs of car seat is worth the convenience of never having to feel their sweet little warm body snuggled next to yours.

Wait, this isn't a goofy product at all!  I would absolutely put these on my granddaughter. Note to self: add to wishlist!

Hey, that little rugrat has to earn her keep, right? I suppose I'll only be able to put it on her when mama's not around...the whole child labor thing and all. shhhhhh.....

 Ok...I had a hard time even writing about this without gagging!  With this disgusting little contraption, you put it in the baby's nose and the other part goes in your mouth. Seriously, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth!
 Keep your head up, kid!  Because a nice, tight plastic ring around the neck is so much safer than floaties! This one is completely lost on me...
 For some reason, this product just brought flashbacks of The Hangover...

 Umm....I think this works a little like a tire gauge, without the little measurement stick popping out. Just make sure and point it away from your nose!

 Is it just me, or does anyone else love the smell of a clean baby, fresh out of the bath?  No? Then this is for you. Just remember, this is NOT a bath in a bottle!

 Is your baby getting bullied at pre-school?  Toughen him up with a baby tattoo!  All the other little 2 year olds will cower in fear. Heck, your little one might turn the tables and end up with their lunch money - or at least an extra serving of strained carrots.

 In it never occurred to you to use the clean diaper to prevent pee in the face, here's a nice little money waster!

Ah yes! No layette is complete without a wiglet for your little piglet. If you've ever found yourself lost at a reggae concert and wanted to fit in? We've got you covered! Toddler & Tiara pageant, perfect fit! Trying to sneak into the penthouse at Trump Tower? Nobody will be the wiser!

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